Common – Retrospect For Life feat. Lauryn Hill
I have a ton of things to talk about and for whatever reason I’m probably going to try and fit them all in one, substantially long post. This is actually an awful idea. I love to write every day, whether here or on tumblr. Having an abundance of topics to talk about gives me the freedom to write everyday. Writing about loads of things in one day dilutes this freedom. At the same time, I really don’t give a fuck….so bare with me.
Just this week I talked about how I can’t understand people who “only,” go out with, or hang out with people with similar interests to them. My adventures of this past weekend have allowed me to re-assess that comment with a girl I was talking to this past Friday. This girl was gorgeous, at least by my standards–tall, thin, dark brown semi-curly hair that fell shoulder length and thick framed glasses similar to my own. Intelligible, which I don’t consider a necessity, but I do consider attractive. She was a self-proclaimed hipster, which kind of annoyed me, but was certainly understandable [I, recently do the same thing, or am at least agree-able with people who call me one.] We switched glasses, spoke of hipsters, punks, labels in general, and even delved into music. My brain was stimulated, blood boiling and despite this great drunk conversation I wouldn’t ask for her number or expect to ever see her again.
Despite my obvious attraction the opportunity never arose and there was a general lack of flirtation which I feel is almost inevitable when conversation goes beyond normal dialogues and becomes as in-depth as ours was becoming in the 10-20 minutes we shared together. We spoke within a crowd of four people–her and I being the most talkative, but no room for isolation or potential creepiness on my end [mostly because the other two people just didn’t get the hint.] She also was a friend of my friend, and though the party I was at had girls I barely knew anyone, making me sudden random guy at party who needs to make a decent first impression to the regulars and party throwers.
Being random kid at party is always a disadvantage. Random kid is completely susceptible to stepping on toes so to speak. Random kid can do this by coming to a party where they know 1 or 2 people, and hitting on all the girls when they’re limited in supply. The girls at this kind of party are often way more interested in talking to their friends at the party and often will complain to the party thrower about random kid. The party thrower gets pissed that girls are complaining about random kid at party, and inevitably random kid at party makes mutual friend of party thrower and random kid at party look like a jackass. Random kid at party can also piss off and make an ass of himself with other dubious acts, like starting a fight with a friend of party thrower, sketching people out with conversation or just being a general scumbag.
That being said I didn’t want to make the awful first impression on party throwers/regulars of party…especially with someone whom isn’t so incredibly into me. I did enjoy talking to her though, which counts for something.
Now, allow me to eat a bit of crow on this situation. I did say I can’t stand the “I WANT A GIRL THAT LIKES THE THINGS I DO!” thought process…and though I still can’t stand it, I failed to mention that I understand it and would LOVE a girl that I have things in common with [much like I’d love to have friends that share interests that I do.] My issue with this kind of thinking stems from the fact that A. Most people who feel this way will completely disregard and alienate people who don’t like the things they do [I’ve seen too many friends label girls as stuck up for liking top 40, or disregard someone as a potential friend because they have ripped jeans], B. I hadn’t had a really enticing conversation with a random girl in ages [I blame this on my need to go to the bar recently more than house parties–the last random girl I can remember having a fantastic conversation with was last summer] and C. Most of my friends and girls that I hook up with don’t share any common interests with me.
Now that I’ve eaten my crow and re-assessed my point, let me switch gears. There’s something that was recently brought up that I just can’t help but mention. The scenario is simple: you have some incurable STD, and you meet someone you’re into. Do you immediately tell them before hooking up, hook up with them and never tell them, or hook up with them and avoid potentially giving this STD [EX: You have herpes–herpes can be given through oral sex, kissing, and unprotected sex, so you rid yourself of cold sores to minimize giving herpes through kissing, have sex with a condom and refuse oral from the girl for fear of her seeing/being exposed to your herpes.] I bring this up because I was talking to a girl, whom I later found out had herpes. This girl had herpes, hooked up with my friend, began dating him, and then told him that she had herpes after they began dating [she inevitably chose option’s 2 and 3 of the above scenario.] She never gave the kid herpes, but still…the situation is a bit of a sticky one.
Many will think her actions are selfish. How could she lead this kid on, allow him to date her, and then lay the burden on him of having to choose between this girl he generally enjoys hanging out with, and the chance of getting herpes? Many will say that she should have allowed him to make the decision himself before any kind of hook up, or dating began. This is a very fair and valid point. But I beg to wonder what your decision is the first night when you hear the girl/guy you’ve been chatting up all night has herpes/AIDS/etc.
Put yourself in her shoes for a second–she’s living with this disease that she can’t get rid of. She’s probably received it by some twisted mistake–a random hookup, someone trying to fuck her over by spreading it, or worse. She’s obviously insecure about the situation, and has to feel completely undesirable because of it [I mean, who feels desirable with an STD looming in the creases of their crotch area?] She may even be a really great person with a lot to offer. Is it wrong that she wants to be a little selfish and put the kid in the situation she did? He continued dating her even after she mentioned her condition, but would he have dated her in the first place if he knew of her herpes? What if this girl had turned out to be the best relationship of his life, and he missed out on it because before their very first hook up she decided to drop the bomb on him that she has herpes.
I’m not defending her actions, I’m just saying I empathize with them. She has to feel terrible of what’s sitting in her crotch region over a mistake that she has to live with for the rest of her life. She has to be thinking ‘why me?’ everyday…what bad did she do, to be forced to potentially do bad to others. Is this what her purpose in the world is? Give herpes to unsuspecting men that find her attractive? Let’s not even mention what she has to deal with when she gets married. There are studies that show that children have been born blind or with poor vision when the female has herpes. Should she really have to live with this mistake for the rest of her life? Her kids, husband and family also? I don’t think so.
If it were me I’d probably feel inclined to keep the secret of my incurable STD just as she had. I shouldn’t be put at a disadvantage because of a mistake I made years ago. Of course, I’d be as protective as possible as no girl would deserve to feel the same uncomfortable emotions I feel of living with an STD for the rest of their life [spreading it isjust spiteful and cruel.] I do however, disagree with this girl becoming his girlfriend before letting him know of her condition. He does deserve to know the potential consequences of being involved with her.