By Nature, Talking Is Flirting, And Vice Versa (Ranting, Naturally)

Austra – Beat & The Pulse

It always will be. I don’t know any other way to talk. I just don’t.

My friend Mary K has called me a reckless flirt. She’s right. I’m actually a pretty reckless individual, but I embrace this lifestyle. It has seemingly gotten myself out of some really tight and sticky situations. Due to my flirting, most girls think I’m a nice guy. I’m not. I actually find this notion pretty funny. In fact, two girls I work with yelled at me a few months back for trying to convince them I was a dick. At least I was being honest.

I flirt with everyone. Teachers, grandmothers, your cousin. My flirting is reckless, but not malicious. Often I’m just trying to be friendly whether I’m attracted to the girl or not. I find flirting much more natural than just “talking.” Talking for me is engaging in interests or the person you’re talking to. Music, philosophy, writing, sports…that’s talking. But what are the chances that the person you’re placed around is knowledgeable in the things that you’re knowledgeable in? I recall a philosophy class I took a while back where my teacher said there are few things one is really knowledgeable in, few things one is not knowledgeable in, and a lot of things where we all know a little something about the topic. Keeping this in mind, there is almost no shot that girl A. at the party that I happen to find attractive is into the same music as I…or watches football and can talk about the JETS…or is down with philosophers like Friedrich Nietzche or what have you. I wouldn’t even bring up those kind of topics anyways even if I am knowledgeable in them. Why would I want to make her feel silly by talking about something she knows nothing about…or vice versa? Same applies to girl B at work, lady C. who’s checking out my groceries, or teacher D who’s going to give me an A on my paper because I made her laugh a few times. I suppose I can “talk,” to them about their days, and what’s going on in their life…but to be honest, I’m not interested.

A lot of people emphasize interests as a selling point for friends and significant others. I don’t. “I WANT A GIRL THAT LIKES THE THINGS I DO!” Ugh. I can’t fucking stand this sentence. Same with girls who say that fucking shit. I’ve never, ever, ever, ever hooked up with a girl with similar music tastes as I. I once almost had sex with a girl who liked Muse….and I don’t even like Muse that much. I’ve never hooked up with a Jets fan. Maybe some football fans, but Jets fans? Hardly [It at least never came up in conversation for obvious reasons, ie. not that fucking important!] I’ve never talked to a girl about something that truly interests me…like writing, or philosophy, or psychology. Music conversations with a few, but none that I’m trying to fuck. And you know what? I don’t need to! It doesn’t mean I can’t hold an intellectual conversation or that they can’t…it just means it’s not a selling point. Then again, what do I know? I haven’t been in a facebook official relationship since 2005. Take my opinion with a grain of salt.

But let me stop ranting. Flirting is the only way I talk with women. Flirting is talking about anything else. ANYTHING else. Not her, not some intellectual topic we both have knowledge of [poor use of intellectual–since when is discussing Darelle Revis’ contract situation intellectual?] but anything that can make her laugh.

Like I mentioned before though, my friend Mary K says I’m a reckless flirt. She may in fact be right. While flirting can get me an A on that paper, or a drink on the house from a bartender [and believe me, it has,] it actually has led me into some incredibly sticky situations. There was a girl last semester in my Journalism class. We were friends. Her, another kid and I relied on one another for help in class. She consistently wanted the three of us to have a bar night together. The third kid was under age, but I was completely down to meet her there one night. Months later, she texted me asking if I wanted to go to the bar. I agreed. Then she pulled a fast one on me…said she kind of expected the bar to be an “ends to a means,” and that if the means was to happen that she expected it to already have happened…in which case, she proposed we could skip the bar all together, chill, and have sex. I was stunned. Never did I expect that…ever. I don’t think I ever even crossed the line…may have complimented her haircut once or something.

Leading people on sucks, but its never intentional. I never mean to lead anyone on. No one does. It just happens. But as I’ve gotten older I’ve become more aware…that maybe, just maybe a lot of the things I do are interpreted in different ways than I intended them to be. Have you ever thought about that? How something you say can be taken by another? Did it offend them? Did they talk about their friend to you later? Positively? Negatively? What if you have friends that you like, but that hate you? It’s kind of insane how just words can be taken and switched into something they were never presented as. This example isn’t the only one either. I actually wonder how many girls I’ve led on by flirting…or simply being friendly. Which is kind of what I think of it as, even if it is flirting.

I guess it makes me wonder where the lines cross? What is the sign that you’re overdoing it? Should I become a robot to all…a friend at all times, interested in what happened in your life today, and answer with insignificant things like “that’s great,” or “that sucks,” with no real say in the matter? Should I only surround myself around girls with the same interests as myself? Should I let all girls who I’m not attracted to know I’m not attracted to them, this way there’s never any confusion? How would you even do that? By words? Taking clothes off mid-conversation for the attractive, and keeping clothes to the ones you’re not?

Of course I’m going to give you the obnoxious answer…is any of this even my fault? I mean, really, if you take something for more than what its worth…well, as a girl you should know better. Fact: A dude isn’t interested if you’ve thrown him obvious signs to hang out “together/alone/withalcohol/etc.” and he hasn’t reciprocated. Get a clue. If he wanted it, he’d go get it…especially when the girl is making the first move to “hang out.” When a girl makes the first move in that regards and we’re not really friends, I know what’s up…and I fucking take my opportunity. Why shouldn’t I? I’m not an idiot. If I want it, I go get it.

No guy is going to go out of his way to see his “friend,” unless he’s either A. really close to that girl or B. has other intentions. There’s a girl who I never talk to, who actually thought I’d skip a weekend of partying at UConn to watch her dance competition *eyeroll* When I bailed on that, she tried to get me to help her study because I’m a psych major *super eyeroll* Her flirting is obvious and I can’t even ignore her because I freakin’ work with her. As if my hints from before weren’t enough. She’s nice. But with those situations where I’m not interested…well, I’m not going to feed the dragon. My flirting is reckless, but it’s not inept.

I guess that’s just it really…reckless, but not inept. Even when you’re crossing the line, you still shouldn’t exactly cross the line [unless you want to, and by all means do it!] Never malicious…just unintentional. With that in mind, I guess that’s the best way to flirt…unintentionally. Unless something important is up where you can get something out of it…another A in my discussion section never hurt anybody, that’s for sure.

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About realmikeclark

23-year old Journalism & Psychology graduate of the University of Connecticut.
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One Response to By Nature, Talking Is Flirting, And Vice Versa (Ranting, Naturally)

  1. Pingback: Eating Crow, Loads of Ecstacy, and Oh, You Have Herpes? I’m Going To Talk That Girl Instead! | realmikeclark

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