Still Corners – “I Wrote In Blood,”
Oh hey there!
So it’s been over a month since I’ve written in my blog. I promise this wasn’t exactly on purpose. I actually had a blog planned before Halloween but it fell through considering the theme was…well, Halloween costumes. In any case, tons has happened in the past month and change. Nothing of which I’ll speak on in detail, but I’ll certainly mentioning a few things in upcoming topics.
One thing that’s really been grinding my gears is the idea of jealousy and crossing streams. I’m not talking urine here either (though I imagine it’d be pretty fun, and a bit homoerotic to cross streams with your friend and his urine but, errr…that’s for another time I suppose.) I’m talking about the consistent conflict of interest of this being a small world–a consistent theme in my life for the past few weeks.
I admit, I’m one that hopes to make another jealous. More to get a reaction than anything else. I don’t like making women upset–rather just see where I stand. In that sense, a reaction makes all the difference. Sometimes it backfires. I once was really fond of this Australian girl. We kissed once. Nothing else ever happened. I recall dancing with my friend to ‘make her jealous’ once at the bar. As my friend danced sexier, so did the Australian. What made it better was the 5 feet that separated my friend from the Aussie. It was like watching a really awkward situation in a sitcom. She got the last laugh, surely.
Sometimes, you win. I went to the bar with this girl last semester and was only with her. We fought at the bar, so she danced with another guy. I danced with another girl. She gets jealous, pulls me away from the girl and dances with me the rest of the night. Did I mind her dancing with another guy? Of course. She came with me and was leaving with me. But we didn’t “date,”…weren’t “exclusive,”…so it wasn’t my place to tell her who she could and could not dance with. She broke first and pulled me away. I took that as success on my end.
Other times, you get a reaction you couldn’t care any less about because the reactor is old news that you’re simply disinterested in. Take a month and a half ago for example. I hook up with this girl at some party and get her number. We see each other a few times. I text her about 2 weeks ago. She tells me she has a boyfriend now. Ship.has.sailed.
Now this past weekend occurs. I’m at the bar with a friend of the past year. Her and I are hooking up in the bar, dancing and getting closer. As she’s turned around, girl from about a month and a half ago decides its time to talk to me at the bar. She comes clean about her new boyfriend, tells me she really liked me but that she can’t see me any more. As if I’m supposed to care? The ship has sailed, can’t you see I’m with somebody else?
The idea of jealousy and crossing streams always makes for fantastic morning after stories…and tons of anxiety. The best reaction…or at least the mature one, is to have no reaction at all. Easier said than done. Otherwise you’re feeding into the other persons game. And as I said before, I play games, I hope for the jealous reaction. Not because I want to. I don’t think anybody wants to. Just because that’s the way things are–girls are afraid if they don’t play games they’re labeled as sluts for being too forward, and guys are afraid if they’re way too nice the girl will be disinterested (surely finding someone douchier and a bit more edgy.) Its a way to keep both sexes on their toes. The added kick of drama keeps things interesting, which is why the chase is always so interesting…at least for men.
I can’t speak for women, as I simply have no idea how they can sit on their asses and wait. And wait. And wait for some guy they really dig to sweep them off their feet. The whole idea is ridiculous to me. If you want the job, you go out there and get it. You want the good grade, then go out and get it. You want a man? Sit there and hope he notices you. I haven’t been passive in years, I could never be a woman.