In honor of Bonnaroo, you’ll get a Bonnaroo artist that I wish I was watching live for the next few journal entries. Wavves – “Linus Spacehead”
It’s something that many women have been asking me. Not in the direct question of ‘why do men cheat’ but rather ‘why won’t this guy commit’ or ‘why are you always single?’ Little does any girl know that these are ALL the same question, and always will be.
Some force the idea of commitment down a man’s throat. This is sometimes sexy…I personally like a girl who know what she wants, especially when she wants me. But sometimes a man commits before he’s ready and sometimes he’ll commit when he never planned on it. Chances are when you commit in these situations you either cheat, or get the girl who knows you’re going to cheat. So what does she become? The possessive, over-protective and controlling girlfriend. It doesn’t come off as obsession, but more of how cute it is that she cares, and how much of a bitch she is because she can’t get over the fact that I have friends of the opposite sex and a life that doesn’t revolve strictly around her. So long as she keeps checking your phone and keeping tabs on your facebook/e-mail she’ll[think she] knows everything that her significant other is doing. Congratu-fucking-lations. You’re not quite an obsessive, Helga G. Pataki stalker, but you are at least mildly psycho.
For men, I’ll explain it in layman’s terms. Commitment sucks. It’s so final. It’s so standard. And it’s so something that a man will never like, and never be. Yes, even the committed man isn’t committed. Nobody is. Nobody can be. It’s against human nature to think that in some fantasy world all I want is you, because that’s not true. I won’t be attracted to you when we’re older, you probably have awful habits that I can’t stand, and I’ll never only imagine myself with you, even if we’re married. My girl shouldn’t ever expect me to feel completely committed to her because even if a man is faithful, and committed he’ll always play devil’s advocate, at least in relation to looks. Realistically, women should expect this. And because marriage, and girlfriends don’t negate the fact that beautiful women in the world will forever be thrown at my eyelids, and will continue to be pumped out until I’m old and wrinkly, I will always be tempted to cheat. It’s just a matter of if I will or not.
Commitment has to do with lust and every man is going to lust over other women, whether in a relationship or not. It’s just a matter of, is my woman holding shit down to the point where that lust will stay just that…lust. Even the committed man wants to fuck his teacher assistant, rub up on at least 30% of the girls at the bar, and continues to get off on his favorite porn video. But a man wont always forego committment. Sometimes he gets in a relationship he really wants to be in…and still cheats. But why?
Here’s a confession: I’m 21, will be 22 in a month and I haven’t been in a “committed, facebook official relationship” since I was 15 [ironically, before the facebook era.] In that relationship I cheated, and I’d probably do it again in the same circumstance. Why? There’s a multitude of reasons but mainly because she just couldn’t maintain my interest. Here’s some background. I had this epic high school crush when I was a freshman. She had everything the high school crush needs–gorgeous, killer smile, fantastic body, and just nice enough to me to give me false hope that some day we’d be together. I lusted over that girl, and even today when I creep on her facebook her smile gives me chills. I still can’t tell you much about her besides her name, ethnicity, and how I felt about her. In any case, I lusted over her for a year, then finally got the cajones to “get over her” and get a girlfriend in January of 2005. I liked the girl, she was nice.
Then in late February/early March I went to Image Night Club in New Haven [please tell me someone remembers this place?] and made out with some random girl. Told myself and my friends at the beginning of the night I wouldn’t dance with any girls, but some girl pulled me to the dance floor and the “I have a girlfriend!” excuse only lasted for about 12 seconds.
I broke up with my girlfriend a month later. I came to the realization that she never really stimulated my interest long enough to make me forego a chance with another woman. Even though consciously she was my girlfriend, and I liked and wanted that, subconsciously I was single. It took less than a minute for a girl to drag me to the dance floor, and less than a dozen minutes for one to stick her tongue down my throat. Truth is, I wanted my high school crush even though I knew more about my girlfriend, and got along with her better. I didn’t even cheat because of my high school crush…it was because my girlfriend never stimulated my interest. That’s why I was still on my high school crush. That’s why I had no business going out with the girl in the first place. I know it sounds like an excuse but it’s the truth. If she was the right girl for me, I wouldn’t have cheated. I’ve been in friends with benefits situations where the girl is my girlfriend without the tag. That is, that I never hook up with another girl besides the friend with benefits. Period. It wasn’t on purpose, just no other girl caught my interest.
But that’s just one example of my point. Why do men cheat? Mainly because the woman isn’t fulfilling some need that the man expects in the relationship. How do I know this if I’ve “technically” been single for over six years. Because I’ve been in enough non-committal relationships to know why I’m non-committal, why I break them off, and because I’m a fucking man who hangs out with other fucking men.
If you’re not getting what you need at home, you get it somewhere else and that’s a fact. This works for all occasions. If your TV can’t produce 1080p you get a better TV. If EA isn’t supporting Madden on your PS2, you get a PS3. In this case, you can’t bring your new toy/prize/mistress home so you borrow, rent and hide. Your grill is nice, but your neighbors grill is the best on the block–so you buy some nice meats, and a few brews and take it to his place to chill. One reason is to enjoy yourself, but subconsciously it’s to eat food off his grill. That’s what happens when you cheat–your girl hasn’t been fulfilling what you need, you go to the bar, and shit just subconsciously happens. You didn’t think that Thursday, the 23rd of October that you’d be outside of your dorm room fingering some girl in the hallway at 3am but you were drunk and shit happens whether you’re single or not….whether you’re drunk or not. Hell, you probably got obliterated in the first place because you wanted to forget your girlfriend existed.
The worst part is, that you could really love your girl and shit like this will still happen. You don’t know how many of my friends love their girl, and I genuinely believe them. They still come out with me and do the single thing though. Some will say they’re in love and just chilling for the night and leave the bar with a chick. Some will say they don’t give a fuck about their girl and end up going home alone. The words mean something, sometimes. The first guy probably does love his girl, but she obviously is doing something wrong. The first guy could also not love his girl and be lying to himself. Depends on the guy. The second guy, almost always, is just showing off. Guys are used to the braggadocio so we don’t sweat it, but at the end of the day everyone knows that guy is committed. That home girl is doing something right. Hats off to her. I actually have a friend who’s been saying “I don’t give a fuck tonight” for six years and has never cheated. Last I heard he planned on getting engaged. Shit happens.
I’m not going to sit here and tell you that my friends and I are all man-whoring cheaters. We’re not. We have our reasons as all guys do. But what could a woman not be fulfilling is what most woman would ask. I mean, guys aren’t great at communicating feelings [or at least don’t like to] and some girls feel they do everything for a man and the guy will still cheat [and therein lies the problem–you’re doing everything for me! you’re boring! I have you, and now I need a new challenge to conquer because you’ll probably always be there!]
Fact of the matter is, some of you are great and we just never really liked you…we told ourselves we did, and lied to ourselves. Sometimes we’re pissed at you…so we cheat. It’s a sure fire way to hurt you for the way you hurt us. Some are afraid of commitment. Like I said before, it’s so final, so standard, so restricting of our needs to be and feel free because our minds are racing with new women as often as we see a new one pass by.
Some love the thrill…the potential of getting caught just lights some adrenaline in our skin that we can’t deny. This is me to a tee. Hooking up in public lights me up. Sex when your mothers room is 5 feet away and you’re making noise makes my toes curl [and also makes me whisper ‘Shutup.’] My kind are reckless. We shit where we eat and we know it. We feel bad, but it’s all to get the coveted trio with the girl we really love–fights, sex, and [eventually] a renewed interest in her.
And that’s all it is really. Interest. I know girls can apply a lot of these reasons to things that happen to women from men…but the difference is while women break it off, guys’ cheat because we’re smart enough to realize we won’t have guaranteed pussy if you’re gone. And cheaters don’t want that. Not yet at least.