Tunes for the day: Lush – “Ladykillers”
Or at least a major piece to the puzzle.
Men don’t understand women. Women don’t understand men. Both don’t understand why. This is common knowledge implanted in us since birth, from the first fight we recall our parents having, to television programs re-embracing male ignorance to female needs to the fact that as children we’re dressed in different colors based on our sex. Man and woman are not the same species, they don’t work in unison and will never understand one another. Ever.
There are reasons for this, but I think the main one is that one will never fully understand anyone, regardless of sex. I don’t understand my little brother or my father. I don’t understand my boys who I party with every weekend, see every day or have known for years. Well, I understand them and their motives…I just don’t, and won’t ever understand them fully.
The difference between man and woman has been well documented. Women are emotional, men aren’t. Men are all about sex, women aren’t. Men are leaders, women aren’t. The list goes on. These are all generalizations but they’re also bullshit. Men are plenty emotional, aren’t all about sex, and aren’t necessarily better leaders than women. You can see this in daily life if you look close enough but I think the brooding detail that many forget is that age old tale of dress your son in blue and your daughter in pink. Your son must be manly, his gender must be masculine. God forbid he has an androgynous gender and acts the least bit feminine. He mise well trade in his manhood. I’ve seen this happen too many times. As my friend Tom would say, perception is everything. I’m straight, but came into my Fall semester willingly living with a bisexual and a homosexual. Questions from my “friends” arose…”won’t you care what people say? think of you? they’re gong to think you’re gay!” As if I’d care. In the 60s if you were hanging out with me you’d be called a nigger lover.
But there’s this huge fear of being called gay. Being called gay, or anything related to it is the most de-masculating term in the American dictionary. Even gays don’t like being called gay. At least not in a way to degrade them. Degrading a man’s masculinity is the single easiest way to make him feel insecure [assuming he’s not secure with himself, that is.] If he’s secure, words won’t matter.
But as a man, you cannot fail to fulfill your sexes roles. As a result, even if he is emotional he can’t show it. If sex isn’t his end game with most girls, he can’t show it. It’s not manly. These are “womanly” traits. Emotions are illogical. Celibacy is gay. This is the man’s brain at work. You can’t show these feelings that don’t fit the male role because your masculinity will be questioned and no matter how old you get nobody likes to be talked negatively about…whether to their face or behind their back. Not every man wants to grow up to be their father but every man wants to provide for their family, and be the dominant one of the house–by showing manly traits this hopefully can be achieved.
But I digress, I’m getting off topic. I have finally found a big piece to the puzzle of the woman. At least in my brain it is. I’ve been trying to figure them out for years, I really have. I recently came to the conclusion that there’s so many of them that there’s just no clear blueprint on how to figure them ALL out. Sure I’ve picked up some tidbits in recent years. Some seem valid, others seem ridiculous. None are quite as juicy as this one though, particularly because I’ve actually lived a situation as “womanly” as humanly possible. All in all, I finally understand why women do what they do in said situation. Here’s the scenario:
Women love assholes. But why? Nice dudes have no shot. But why?
The obvious answer here would be you have to show a little edge before you can cozy up with a chick. It’ll make her think there’s more to you than just pleasing her, as there should be. No girl wants a guy who’s going to wait on them hand and foot, or be up their ass 24/7 and vice versa. Makes sense. But how do some of the douchiest guys get girls, continue to treat them like shit and yet have the girl running back for more? I have a friend who was going out with this guy. He cheated on her. They broke up. 2 months later, she’s talking to me about how they’re talking again.
But cheating wasn’t the only factor–he admitted to her while they were going out that he stopped hanging out with one girl because she wasn’t attractive enough. What kind of moron admits that? He’s cheated on her multiple times. She’s came back every time. Sex is certainly a factor. The bigger factor? Being a douchebag.
For the last month of school I was involved with this girl who was a complete bitch. I can tell some horror stories, I really can. Things have to be her way. Always. I was yelled at for texting. She suspected I was talking to another girl. I’ve been yelled at for talking to my friend Michelle. She thought I was fucking her, and thought Michelle gave her a dirty look. She’s been pissed off because all of the girls at the bar had black dresses on, and she felt that she needed one to match their level of sexiness. I’ve been told never speak to me again if you don’t come to the bar tonight, and then asked 10 minutes later if I’ll see her after the bar. The stories go on. Let’s just say I dealt with a lot of yelling.
But I was hooked. She let me see areas of her that I felt few people had, and for whatever reason I wanted to “fix” her. I didn’t want to stop the yelling, or the ridiculous arguments. It kept the relationship entertaining. I didn’t want to stop hanging out with her… I wanted to get to know her more. I felt like she acted the way she did because somebody, or a multitude of people had fucked her over before. Her trust was broken. If she let me in I wanted to restore that trust. In men, in humanity….whoever. Surely nobody is actually as possessive, and ridiculous as she could be naturally. Something happens to you for you to have such personality traits. She told me [and I felt like it was by accident] that she used to do coke, and that her parents cut her off their health insurance because she kept getting alcohol poisoning. She wouldn’t delve any deeper even when I pressed. But I kept wanting to press. Why?
All of a sudden, I’ve fallen into a ridiculous two way street. My friends told me I was insane. Even after school ended we’ve kept in contact. Hell, I even got drunk one night and asked her why she hadn’t texted me in a few days. My friends ask me why am I still talking to her in the first place. But I don’t care. For some reason I want to see if I can delve beneath the surface before I give up on her completely because there’s still so much to learn. I’ve suddenly shown all of the “illogical” personality traits of a woman. Emotional, sensitivity, empathy. These aren’t bad ways to act, but they’re taboo for the man’s man. I haven’t acted this way about a chick in some time. All of a sudden I’m the dumb bitch, and she’s the asshole. How quickly the tables have turned on the male and female roles.
It only begs the question that are men and women really as similar as our genetic makeup entails. Two legs, two arms, 10 fingers, 10 toes….emotions, leadership, sensitivity…maybe this is present in all mankind and it’s just a matter of showing these personality traits and not showing them. God forbid a man looks sensitive….or a woman leads without backlash.